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Fixed a broken heart – in February

February 27, 2016 - Author: Jennifer Mylod - Comments are closed

The cold depths of these late February days… have become unbearably drab… and the winter has completely & wholly lost any appeal that it once held for me.   Although I’ve always loved winter – I can honestly say – I am MORE than ready – to move away from this coldness.

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I guess my heart’s just not into Winter… this year.   But I have an odd heart…  I’ve always worn my heart on my sleeve… with the ability to hear, feel, see, and sense things said  (or not said);  done (or not done)  very deeply…  and it goes straight – like an arrow, into my heart.   So perhaps a life time of absorbing the incessant impacts,  is what broke it?    So 4 hours of cardiac surgery – has hopefully repaired, what all these  ‘head & heart”  experiences – have done…   Is this the cost of thinking too much?  Of being a writer? A poet? Artist?  Creator of songs? Melodies?  Prose?  Who knows… All I know is I take everything to heart… literally and figuratively.

So, I had to take a big, step back…  and began re-evaluating my life.  And in this mental, mining excavation, discovered that there are things I once believed to be true and real…  but upon closer, quiet, inspection and careful dissection… found these things were actually – counterfeit.  Things that I believed – melted away like morning frost, that rests on a field…   Yes, it was real… until the sun came up… and then… it doesn’t hold up to the test.

There were things, once important to me… that fell away… bit by bit, one by one… like Autumn leaves… until I came to the realization that they held no value… and were merely poor imitations of the truths I sought.   For I unearthed things that I had overlooked – and upon more careful attention… discovered  ‘diamonds in the rough’  that hold a lot more meaning and worth – than I had been lead to believe…  Thus, I stand corrected, older, and wiser.

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And on this path, I’ve learned to pick my battles… and when to be silent.   My feelings don’t always need to be expressed…  nor understood – except by me.   And taking the path of least drama… is always tons easier….  but I can never overlook – that the “hard right… over the easy wrong” – (though not always easy)… is always the best choice.

I’ve come to realize,  that there are things that deserve a greater degree of patience – than I had given.  So, all in all… there’s a lot of changes… but  I am content with cleaning the rubbish… and I’m growing accustomed – to this new outlook – and so very glad I can move onward & upward.

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So… with my broken heart – well on the mend…   I’ve put the cold winter behind, & set my sights on Spring.  I’m gathering the seeds for the gardens I am going to cultivate…  and I’m ok with the realization that I’ve accumulated a LOT of compost… both from my kitchen – and from my life.   Instead of wallowing, regretting or being remiss…  I’m taking all the “useful” refuse…  and tilling it…  changing it into better, useful, cultivated compost… to grow upon.   Think about it…  <3



Categories: Thoughts, Uncategorized

Discussion (2 Comments)

  1. by Ray

    I enjoy your blog, always. Looks like there has been some disillusionment going on here….I don’t , and never have, seen you as naive, yet you appear to portray yourself here as being susceptible to it occasionally. I think it is possible, sometimes with difficulty, to be a muse, an artist, poet, musician, and be on a level apart from many others, yet still be able to deal with the occasional harshness and disillusion of reality. Introspection at these times has been a wondrous journey for me occasionally, enabling me to apply perspective, mainly from my level, while incorporating the realities of others, and understanding, if not agreeing with them. Once I understand, or try to, why someone is being an idiot, or simply disagreeable, it is usually easier for me to understand my place in their world, and their place in mine, and without reconciling the two, at least provide myself with a degree of peace and serenity, comfortable in my own skin and mind. Love you. <3

    • Thank you Ray. First… you are correct. I do not consider myself to be naive… but I do tend to hold too many expectations at times. I also allow myself be overly optimistic, in certain circumstances… which can be disheartening.

      Most of the time, I’m a realist – hah… a realist with a really BIG imagination… (very different from a dreamer) but I still, occasionally let my hopes build up – which ends up letting me get hurt – especially in a world (despite how I tend to see it)… that’s filled with harshness.

      I also hold people to the same standards in which I hold myself… which is unreasonable. So, maybe I’m dancing a fine line… but I don’t think it’s naivety… but perhaps too much trust? I’m not sure… but these things combined… often leave me vulnerable – for being an optimist.

      But I totally agree, that – taking a dose of introspection, with the realities, observations & perspective of a very good, trusted friend… is a great recipe – for balancing oneself. And am thankful for dear friends like you, to help me in that journey. Thank you Ray. xoxo <3